This will probably sound totally ridiculous but I feel like I’m discovering the internet all over for the first time. haha Within the last month I’ve come across all these new, exciting, internesting and useful websites that I never knew existed but have been around for…forever. If you haven’t seen this one already please go check it out: Post Secret is quickly becoming one of my favorite web sites for entertainment. You may have heard of it, but it’s a website where people mail in their secrets on a handmade postcard and they get posted to this website. I think they put a new post every Sunday. For example:

Made my mouth drop. Then I kind of laughed…Sad, I know. But go check out the website and add it to your feed reader (another amazing gadget I’ve discovered).

I want this so bad! I love Harry Potter and I was waiting for all the books to come out so I could see what different kinds of box sets they have. Well I found this one on Amazon.com and I ♥ it. The case is so nice. It looks very antique. I think I have three of the seven books already but I think I’ll get this one set (when I can afford it) and donate the other ones.

Last night was Ladies night. Yippie. Here are a couple of random shots for you.

I’ve just discovered the power of Bloglines and and I’m adding all my favorite blogs. So send me your feed I also found a gadget for my Vista sidebar which is awesome! I don’t even have to go to the website to view the new posts. Sweet.

So…I saw one of my ex’s today. I never realized how many emotions tie into something like that. Here’s how it felt:

First, there was a wave of excitement as ‘Is that really him?’ crossed through my head.
Then, there was a sudden nervousness as I realized it was. Seriously, my legs and hands started shaking I was so nervous. I immediately dialed the first number I found: Sammy. I had to have someone to talk to.
Next thing I know I’m giggling uncontrolably.
(yea, I have to admit, he looked pretty good.)
I was all smiles after that.

Since the start of this website I have had two serious relationships and some less serious/short lived ones (like the one I’m in now, that I’m probably going to end by 12:00 tonight). I’ll be honest and say I think about both of these ’serious relationship’ guys probably on a daily basis. Not obsessively but more like they cross my mind. Usually it’s because something reminds me of them. I’m not going to say which Ex I saw, I’ll just let you make your own guess.

So what’s new in my life?? I’ve found a new love in a place called P.F. Changs. I saw Transformers twice (midnight showing and matinae a few days later), it quite possibly is my new favorite action movie. The Simpson’s Movie was exactly what I expected it to be. It was funny, not very clever, but what did you expect from The Simpsons? Regardless, I liked it. I finally saw 300. Wow. Quite an amazing movie if I do say so myself. I love comic book style movies. The last Harry Potter book was awesome, she couldn’t have ended it better. Good thing I read it quickly because my dog chewed it up. The latest movie however was a little bit of a dissapointment. I seem to be going to sing kareoke and awful lot lately. At the place I go to you even get a CD so you can laugh at yourself later. I think I may just post that soon. Big Love is my newest obsession. Someone please tell me why any man would want more than one obnoxious, annoying, nagging wife.

It’s Friday. I’m down for a party tonight. I actually have a date but I’m hoping to get out of it. My off-line life starts to take over sometimes guys, sorry. Hence, not so many updates. My horoscope recently read:
Your schedule may be getting so out of control that something has to give, for you might not be able to keep up with your commitments. Remember, if you have over-extended yourself, it’s better to cut back now than to wait until it’s too late. Setting priorities will help you establish manageable boundaries to create more balance in your life.

That couldn’t be more true.

I would love to be able to write something happy and pleasant today but it’s just not happening. I’m going to write the absolute truth from my heart. I’m going to leave a lot out because to explain the full story would be a rather long post.

Will and I are supposed to be taking a ‘break’ which of course I have mixed feelings about. This time is unlike the first time we broke up. The first time it was my fault, I apologized a lot for it, check out forever… if you’ve never read it before. It is a clear entry on how I felt at the time and everything I had done wrong in our relationship. I can say I learned from those mistakes but I most have still screwed something up. The follow up entry sigh was written shortly after we got back together. It’s interesting to read all of the old entries. They make me smile and laugh.

This break was decided yesterday evening. It was his idea, not mine. I miss him tremendously. Sometimes things just happen out of the blue and it takes some time to regain your composure after having the wind knocked out of you. Well that is my dilemma, regaining my composure.

So up and out of no where he tells me he might have feelings for another girl. Yea, I kind of saw that one coming. Women’s intuition I guess. Anyways instead of breaking up we’re supposed to take a no dating other people break. It was not discussed for how long but in the mean time I’m living at my Mom’s and using the time to focus on me. I called him out on not being a man and putting himself in a situation that he shouldn’t have put himself in. Something I probably shouldn’t have said as he’s been one of the best men to enter my life. He did tell me that I was a great girlfriend an that I did nothing wrong. So why the need to go looking elsewhere? I must have done something wrong in our relationship.

My only wish is that we could have worked things out instead, it seems that our relationship has ended without even a hint of prior complication. It seems I was never given the chance to give him those giddy feelings that he felt when we first start dating and that he is now probably feeling for her. I’ll never know what it was that I did wrong to make him think that there was something better out there. I also probably rushed our seperation as I don’t think he was planning on leaving me yet. I knew something was a miss and after asking him about five times and listening to him deny it the truth finally came out. Which really sucks as it would have given me more time with him and to find out what I could improve on.

I’m feeling incredibly lonely but also slightly betrayed as any girl would. I’m trying my hardest to keep my mind off of him but it’s ridiculously hard. All the normal heart break symptoms arrived: constant nausea, loss of appetite (15lbs so far and counting), insomnia. There is no TV in this room so I can’t even use that to pass time. Funny thing is, I keep thinking I’m going to wake up from a bad dream as I have had many dreams about this before. I remember one specifically where he was leaving me I woke up to find him still sound a sleep right beside me. I started kissing, hugging and cuddling him because that dream felt so real and at that moment I realized how much I loved him and needed him in my life. With him I felt whole and complete. I felt like I could tell him anything. We shared many sweet moments together none of which I could ever forget.

Life is kind of funny like that sometimes, isn’t it? I just have no idea why things happen the way they do. And this hurts a lot more than I ever thought it would. Life is sometimes like an ongoing battle and we’re faced with so many choices day in and day out. How do we make the right ones?

Obviously I know I still have to talk to him some time in the very near future because of issues that were left unfinished and because I have to hear him actually tell me goodbye. Why do I think the outcome of this is going to be negative? Because it always is. I lose every guy, I don’t know why I thought this one would be different. Not to mention it’s pretty easy to leave someone you love when someone new and fresh is there waiting for you.

In the past I have been hung up on guys before and have written terribly long entries describing in detail every emotion I had. I promised myself and him that if this ever happened I wouldn’t do that. And please forgive me in advance if you don’t hear from me for a while. There are about a million things that I have to do now and about a billion things going through my head. I know that if I write something here then all of those emotions will probably start spilling out. I feel bad for putting my Mom out and she’s already told me I can’t live here forever.

Any kind words of encoragement are always appreciated.

I recently bought this Rascal Flats album and I have to admit that I am completely in love with it. I always heard the song “What Hurts The Most” on the radio and every time I heard it I alway said I would buy it. Then everytime I would go to the store I would pick up the album, look at it, and find some reason why I didn’t need it. Finally, I bought it. It has to be one of the best country album ever becaue it doesn’t all sound country. Check out some of the track on Amazon, they have all of the song snippits.

Bored? If you know me personally try typing your name into the search box on the right to see all of the posts that mention your name. If you don’t know me try typing ‘diet’ for fun and see how many times I have talked about going on a diet. Clever huh?