[EDIT 09.27.2005 @ 7:22] Well I just did soemthing completely and utterly stupid. I feel like such a cluts sometimes and I think I just topped myself. I think I’m going to go bury myself with shame the saddest part is that it was all by accident. I’m so stupid sometimes, LOL so long.

p.s. I rarely use aim so stop asking for my s/n. I’m on Yahoo now because we have to use it at work.[/EDIT]

I hate working off of my laptop. I don’t have everything for my website and classes. I don’t know what’s wrong with my monitor on my desktop but whatever it is I can’t fix it. I bought it at Best Buy a few months ago for like $300. Why is it that everytime I buy something expensive like that something happens to it? Anyways, I don’t know if I want to attempt to go to Best Buy to see what they can do about the monitor because of course I hardly ever buy warranties. I’ve learned my lesson though. From now on I’m buying warantees on everything except my car. I’m going to go get a small desk for my bedroom so I can put my laptop on it because right about now it’s just sitting on the floor.

Another thing that really sucks about not having my desktop is that I can’t put any pictures on my computer because I can’t find the USB cable for the camera and the computer. I used to do it with my desktop through the media reader but my laptop doesn’t have one. I have some nice pictures from over the weekend too. Oh well.

Over the weekend I left my cell phone charger at work. I needed it though because I was going out this weekend. So I called one of the techs whos number I had and I told him to put it outside the door so I could pick it up. He said he wouldn’t remember and to call him back in like an hour. Needless to say I forgot and I thought he would too. I some how managed to make it through the whole weekend on the battery life I had. I get to work today and the charger is no where to be found. So now I have absolutely NO charger for my phone. The tech said that he put it outside the door like I said. Someone stole it because I know it wouldn’t have blown away. I don’t even know where to go get a new one and I don’t want to go spend my money on that, it sucks.

So, I’m living by myself now. Or at least I like to think so. My Mom doesn’t really live here anymore so I go shopping for grocies and stuff by myself. LOL amazing huh? I never realized what it would feel like living by myself but now I do. It sucks.

I had an awesome time on Sunday. We went to see Story of the Year. AMAZING. The first band, He is Legend was just scary. This guy was dancing like he was having convultions. They were purposefully spitting on eachother and the crowd. And not to mention they were licking eachothers heads and dry humping each others legs. Mm The music wasn’t even that good. The other two opening bands were good too but I couldn’t get over that first one. Anyways, we ended up right by the pit which proved to be a disaster. At one point I think someone ran into there thinking they would hit someone in the middle. They didn’t, and guess who was on the other side of the circle when they got there…ME. So I’m a little bruised and sore but it was awesome. There were some ADORABLE guys standing in front of us too. One of them was really tall and had a tattoo on his arm that I couldn’t see the whole thing, the only part I could see said “EER” I thought, what would someone put on their arm that ended in EER? LOL They other was wearing a black bandana…Mm mM Mmm. They smelled so good too. I can’t wait until Hawthorne Heights.

I’m actually pretty tired because I didn’t get any sleep last night but I don’t feel like going to bed. I actually feel like working out. I’m obsessed with working out now. haha crazy huh? Who would have thunk it. Unfortunately, I’m not consistent and I go on and off all the time. Sometimes I diet and sometimes I work out. It all just depends on how I’m feeling.

I’m buying a new car. I’m waiting until I get a nice little down payment. I’m going to go get a blue Pontiact GTO with a blue leather interior. I’m sooo excited. I’ve decided to give my car (boom boom and all) to my Mom. I’m going to make the payments on both. I told her I would do it as long as she pays the insurance until I get the Nissan paid off and she can’t charge me rent. I think it is fair trade. Or maybe I should just save my money for my education…

I absolutely adore the internet world. MySpace for example, I could spend all day looking at profiles. Guys, girls, dogs, The Pillsbury Doughboy, you name it, I’ve looked at it. Some people on there are just so interesting and some pictures are complete art. I love personal websites too. I could spend all day reading random blogs. I love a good story and I love wondering about other people. Sometimes I’ll see some random person on the street or in a store and I’ll come up with an entire story to their life. I’m a people watcher and I love it. I hate being in the center of a crowd but I love the crowd.

The Bone game is this Friday and the Low Rider Super Show is this weekend too. I’m excited :hehe: I do however think it’s time for myself to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning as ususal. I hate work…I hate working. XoXo :doze:

[EDIT @ 4:47 pm on 09.23.05]I hate my desktop. It’s been acting funny for a while now. I tried to go online from it this morning and I had left it on all night and the screen was just white. I moved the mouse and I heard from the speakers the sound it makes when you come back from idol. I could like access everything but the monitor was still white. So I turned it off and I come home today and it’s still white. I don’t know if it is the desktop or the monitor and it’s bugging me. I just bought the monitor a few months ago too almost cost me $300. So I’m working off of my laptop for now until I figure out what the heck is going on with the monitor. It’s so weird too because I checked everything, the connections and all but nothing worked. Someone help![/EDIT]

I’m sorry for my lack of updates. I’ve had a terrible week and and my weekend was worse. Since Friday I’ve been on a downhill rollarcoaster. I think I’ve evened out by now, only because I’ve had time to cool off. :blush: My wee little babies are all grown up and old enough to be given away. So if anyone wants one of my cute little baby kittens let me know because I have a couple to give away. I like them so much, I don’t want to let them go but I must because they eat too much and make too much of a mess. Since my Mom is hardly ever home anymore I feel like this is my house, I seriously feel like I’ve taken over. LOL I clean, cook, and take care of a lot of the bills now. Well sort off…

The weekend/Monday was pretty eventful. Umm football game, drama, Sirens at TI (WOW!), mall, shopping spree, pictures, drama, San Gennaro Feast, drama, The Exorcism of Emily Rose (WHOA!), lots of catching up on school work, sleeping in and missing work on Monday. Yes, it’s true, for the first time ever I called in…haha well they called me because I slept in and didn’t realize it so I heard the phone ringing, I woke up and it was 7:30. Whoops. So I decided I’d call them at 8:00. Turns out they call me right then so I let it ring and call them right back and told them I was sick. I was sick from the weekend. I probably wasn’t sick enough to call in but I was still sick and was late already and just didn’t feel like getting up. I did take the day off and it helped me re-coop. I felt much better. Besides, I don’t get sick anymore after working at Kid’s Quest, I’m immune to all illness. LOL and when I do get sick it’s usually only for a day or less.

I was watching Law and Order today but during a commercial I decided to walk around the house. I come across a news story on TV talking about how some person ran up on a sidewalk on Las Vegas Blvd and hit like 11 people. HOLY COW! That would really suck, I mean, can you imagine running onto a sidewalk and hitting 11 people? I know I say I hate tourists but not that bad. I heard an “un-confirmed report” that one of them died too. My Mom was also telling me about this guy at her work that fell from the 12th story of the building she’s working at and he died. This day has been pretty crazy.

I have to say Happy Birthday to Cecilie and yes it’s late. I had fun though. They were serving up alcohol without ID’s. So I couldn’t complain. Happy Birthday to Carlos, I had really good cake.

I’m going to an L.A. Lakers game!!! I know, I’m the coolest. haha anyone who has read my to do list would know that I have always wanted to go to an LA Lakers game. Well actually, I think that at some point in time every person should see a basketball game and a football game. Soo when I heard the Lakers were coming of course I went and got tickets. YES! One more thing to cross off. I get to cross of petting a snake too because I have also done that. hehe

Speaking of events, I’m going to Story of the Year on Sunday and I am very excited. I’m also going to Hawthorne Heights and Senses Fail. Of course I want to go to My Chemical Romance at the “toy show” haha (car show) and everyone knows how much I just love car shows. Have I mentioned how much I love the energy at these shows? Of course I love Hawthorne Heights too. I still want to go to Fall Out Boy so if anyone can get me tickets please let me know!

If only I wasn’t afraid of who reads this I would write a novel. Well, I already have but that’s only because I haven’t updated and blah blah blah. Someone please count how many I’s I have in this entry.

Who else hates seeing some internet buddy in person? Seems a person can’t go anywhere without seeing someone they know from the internet. Sometimes you’re not always sure if it’s them but in the back of your head you know it is. Scary, huh? It freaks me out. That’s why I always say that I never purposefully meet anyone off the internet.

Ladi da. Amy’s birthday is coming up. And we’ve got some plans for that haha. Of course I’m going to take Tish and Amy for their first tattoos and my second but they will all be matching in different places. I’m excited and can’t wait. I’m hoping that I won’t have to take my Mom this time because he didn’t ask to see my ID or sign anything last time. He was pretty nice and I think he did my fairy well. So that is going down but there are a couple more things I’ve got in mind. I need to save up now. So, once we get the tattoos that’s one more thing to cross of my list.

Time for bed losers! I’m so tired and I just want it to be the weekend all ready. I hate working, I just want to go to school (college, that is) Goodnight my luvs.

It’s so late. I think I suffer from insomnia. I can never sleep, I will lay there in bed for hours until every join in my body hurts just thinking. Not on purpose of course, I want to sleep, I love to sleep, but I can never get there. My mind wonders and races zooming from one subject to another. One minute I’ll be thinking about if demons really exist inside people and the next I’m wondering how I’ll do my hair tomorrow. It’s Sunday night/early Monday morning. My neck and my back hurt so bad. I hate my bed and I’m about ready to sleep on the floor. Not that I’ll actually be able to get to sleep but I can try.

Right now I’m feeling completely miserable. I really wish I could just stop my mind from thinking but it seems like I can’t shut it off. I know, it probably seems like I have ADD or something and I wouldn’t be suprised if I did. That can just be another defect to add to the ever growing list. But I can’t stop thinking about what could have been or what should be…if that makes any sense at all. I wonder about the past and I wonder about the future. I wonder who I’m going to meet and who I’m not going to meet. I feel like I’m trapped for so many different reasons and nothing really makes any sense. What exactly am I supposed to be doing and how do I achieve peace, happiness, bliss, joy, excitement, love, and success? I don’t think this was the path that God chose for me but I chose it anyway so how did I stray so far away? There are so many good things I want to do, be and say. I want more than anything to be happy with me. I don’t want to be lazy, fat, stubborn, spoiled, vein, greedy, or anything else that brings me down. Change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

Excuse me, I’m going through one of those stages again. We can add bi-polar to my list of defect too. One minute I’m up the next I’m down. I was almost in two accidents last night. We went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show last night and I was going to pick up Tish when some idiot decided he wanted to make a u-turn in front of me. Which he did and I had to slap on my brakes not to run into the back of him. Around 3am that morning at almost the exact same intersection, I was making a left hand turn when some freak runs a read light, starts to turn and is going to fast so he slams right up onto the curb on the opposite side of the road. He was in a truck and going super fast, when he hit the curb sparks were flying and I thought he was going to hit a light pole. He just kept going but probably had a flat tire. I guarentee that if I would have been going straight or he would have gone straight he would have ran straight into me and Tish would have been lucky to survive. Thank God that he decided he wanted to turn right at the last minute. I’m assuming the person was drunk. I didn’t realize that drunk drivers would do something as stupid as that, I thought they just swirved in and out of the lane but I guess I was mistaken.

I think I’m ready to try sleep again. I really hate the fact that I can’t sleep because it makes my day so much more difficult. I can’t wake up in the morning and then when I get home after work I can’t do anything but lay down and take a nap. Which just screws up my entire sleep pattern. Tomorrow I’m going to go shopping and get a birthday present for Cecilie and maybe a new outfit for myself. We’ll see what I come home with. I don’t really have the money to spend but I’m going to splurge just this once. There are also about ten other things I want to do tomorrow but I don’t know if I’ll get around to them, we’ll see what happens and how I feel. Goodnight.

I meant to write something last night but by the time I got home it was nearly midnight. I had an amazing night. Now I’m at work and I have nothing to do really so I figured I’d make my entry now. It funny because everytime I want to post something I can think of at least ten things I need to write, then when I actually go to post I can’t think of not one. I’m having that same brain fart right now. Well, last night we went to a show. We saw The Academy Is, Spitafield, Over It, and Hidden in Plain View. I didn’t actualy get to see Over It but I still had such a good time. I love the energy that I get from going, I wish I could feel like that all the time. I also never thought I’d find these guys sexy. I mean skinny guys wearing semi-tight clothes with long black greasy hair that is always in their face. They are actually quite attractive.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are just too many good looking guys in this world. There are also two different kind of guys, there are the guys who are husband material and then there are the bad boys that you can’t get off your mind. I’m always attracted to the wrong ones :plain: and I don’t know why. LOL I have the most fun with those ones anyway. There was a guy last night in one of the bands and he was just drop dead gorgeous. :hehe:

So I’ve come to realize all these things about myself, good and bad. There are all these things I want to do that I haven’t gotten around to doing. And when I say that, I mean emotional type things. I realize that I need to forgive and forget and accept life just the way it is. the girl that I work with now has told me all these things about myself that no one ever told me before. She said I like attention, I complain and whine, and I’m a prude. I never know if she’s doing it to be mean or not. Hearing it all though has made me really evaluate myself because everything she’s told me is true. Bleh, there are two major things I want to get out of my life and one of them has to do with my Dad, the other has to do with my cousin. Both of which I was planning on taking care of yesterday but I ended up having a rotten day at work so I got side tracked. Of course everything got better.

I hope this weekend is exciting. I’m so glad it’s finally Friday. I may go to Rocky Horror tomorrow. Or I may go hang out with Cecilie. Her birthday is coming up and she said she’s throwing a hotel party. hmmm Anything that gets me drunk right? LOL actually, I went out last weekend and didn’t drink anything, ah so proud of myself. I’m so tired, I’m ready to take a nap right here on my desk. ZzZzZz

So I finally got my gift certificate to Amazon.com. YES! I spent it and I got two things off my wishlist, 1. Peter Pan which I absolutely adore. 2. The Truth About Forever. I’ve been reading a lot lately and I love every single book bye Sarah Dessen. Everything I’ve read from her has been absolutely amazing. I think I started with Someone Like You and I have to say that it easily became one of my favorites. It had one of those endings though where you wanted more because it wasn’t quite the happy ending you had hoped for. Basic stuff, girl falls in love with boy and vice versa, guy wants to have sex but girl doesn’t. Guy ends up being stupid and getting them in a car accident. Girl doesn’t die but wakes up and dumps boy however is still in love with him. Guy of course is still in love with girl and then it just ends. It doesn’t really tell you weather or not they got back together or what but you have to read it to understand. Anyways, I haven’t started reading the new one that I just got today yet but I think I’ll take in a few pages before I go to bed. I watched Peter Pan though. Such a cute movie, I just love the fairy tales. I like books better than movies usually, and I would rather spend the day reading than watching TV. I’m a geek, but it’s a weakness I have. I love knowledge and new things. I’ll never stop learning.

So I ended up wasting about $400 on my CD player. I’m too tired of all the crap to take it back and demand my money back but of course it doesn’t work…AGAIN. So, instead of waiting another five weeks for them to send me a brand new one I’m just going to buy a new one when I have the money. For now I can listen to the radio. I’ll never buy that brand or from that store again! It makes me so mad, but hey stuff happens. Next time I’ll go somewhere that I know will take care of me. One of the guys at work keeps telling me to go to Audio Express and I went there for my speakers but I just don’t know. He also says they’ll make me a custom box :: lighbulb :: LOL next time I’m going to ask him if he’ll pay for it. I guess it doesn’t matter, I’m happy with it. It makes my whole body and limbs tingle. he he he

I hope everyone is doing good and I hope you all had a good Labor Day weekend, I know mine was great. Anyways I’m off to bed and then I’ll wake up and go through another day of miserable work. And some people wonder why I never answer my phone ha ha ha, hello! I’m on the phone ALL day at work, the last thing I want to do is come home and talk more on the phone. My neck needs a rest. I can’t stand sitting at computers anymore, and these horrible chairs. GAH sometimes I just want to get up and move around. Hey, if I was still working at Kid’s Quest I would be a floor supervisor by now…HA toodles.