Like I said in previous entry “I know quite a few people read this” so I come home from the concert to find this IM…

“SalasGRL1: Just wanted to let you know that you should think about getting over my brother. He is about to join the corps, and after that will be getting married to his fiance. For your own heart, you may truly want to let go and move on. Just thought I would throw that out there, so you know. I have been keeping up with your website since you and my bro broke up. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk! Bree Salas (mike shoenfelt
SalasGRL1: sister*)”

I don’t know who that was or if it was really her. Whoever it may be I figured I would straighten some things out. Unfortunately, everything I wrote was not about him. LOL far from it. Actually the guy I’m talking about is in California, hence ‘he’s not with me.’ Yet, he always makes me feel like he is and I know he is constantly thinking about me because he calls me or IMs me. He actually makes me smile like no one ever has and I still don’t know how he can do that from so far away. I knew I’d fall for him when I first saw him, and he had me with that first smile. SO to Ms. Bree Salas (if indeed it was she that wrote that), I really don’t care for your brother at all. We had our thing, and that was quite a while ago. Many things have changed since then and quite a few new guys have come around, if you didn’t already know that then you haven’t been reading my journal very often. Good for him if he thinks he is actually going somewhere, however I don’t see how my heart is any of your business. Nor do I know why in the world I’d want to ask you questions about an ex-boyfriend, or even want to talk to you. That is pretty vein of you to think that everything is about you or your brother. LOL so maybe next time you should mind your own business, and it’s not really necessary for you to read my website considering it has absolutely nothing to do with you. However, if you really find my life that interesting, go right on ahead. I always just thought it was a bunch of blah blah blah, but hey if one of my ex-boyfriends sisters is reading it, heck it much be a page turner.

Phew…[END RANT] Now moving on to what I was already palnning on writing in the first place before I came home and found that ugly little messege. Amy and I went to Alicia Keys today, it rocked. Of course it rocked even more because I didn’t pay anything for the tickets. After the concert we were heading our happy little selves over to Cold Stone or Sonic and we see this cute little red eclipse, so I asked Amy if the guy was cute. She is so sillys he rolls down the window all the way to stare at him, and then he’s practically racing with me. Everytime I move up, he moves up too. So I told Amy to roll down her window again and wave at him, that really got him going and he started talking to her while we were driving down the road and he eventually started to follow us. All the way to Cold Stone, which was closed by the time we got there so we went to Sonic and exchanged numbers. That was interesting…

We went to Pioche yesterday. Matt drove my car when we were coming from and driving to California that one weekend when Sariah and I decided to go to California, he had told me that the govenor kicked in on my car at 125, not true. I could only get to 112 and that was pedal to the floor it wouldn’t go any higher. I had fun though.

Now it’s nearly 1am in the morning and I am tired. My little cousin Nick, whom is eight is staying with us for this weekend and I think he is going to come and stay for the whole summer. Which I think will be really good for him. I’m thinking about moving out to California. Reasons are pretty obvious but it was between California, Florida, and New York. I’m still debating about New York though. I’m going to bed, I can’t see straight. I have a headache, my back hurts, and I think I’ll be woken up in just a few hours by either the dog or Moms. Goodnight :doze:

[EDIT @ 6:03 am] Okay I’m leaving now, wish me luck. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I wasn’t this nervous when Sariah and I decided we wanted to get bold and drive all the way out to Ocean Side to meet some Marines. I think I’ll be okay. As long as I don’t get into some tragic accident. ::plain:: Bye everyone! I’ll be back and ready for Alicia Keys tomorrow night! I hope you remembered Amy. [/EDIT]

There is a difference between being content and being happy. I have come to realize that I will never be either. I’ll never be content because I’m always going to want something more. I know that there is always going to be something missing from my life. I’ll never be truly happy because that seems to be impossible for me. I was talking with one of the girls at work today while she was looking at my website, I told her how it was my pride and joy and then I brought up that I hadn’t written anything in a while. Reason being that I know quite a few people read this, a part of me doesn’t want anyone to know that I’m not completely happy. It is also kind of weird because I know that there is only one guy I want to give my heart to and he is not here. Only one guy that I actually want to be with, that I would give everything to, all the others seem to be helping to pass the time. I want him to be with me here now but he’s not and all I can do is wait. That’s probably why I like dreams so much, he’s always in them. No matter where I’m at or what I’m doing he is always in the back of my mind and I long for that kind of perfection. I find myself constantly wanting to write to or about him, I just don’t want to expose it for what it really is…I’m completely in love. The girl at work also brought up the status on the Girl section, it still says in love. I have yet to change that. I don’t actually want to change it, and if I did I would be lying because I am in love even though it is with somebody that is not with me right now. He may not love me back but I sure do love him and it is only him that can leave me completly and utterly speechless all the time and make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time, he is also the only person who’d listen to it.

While talking to another girl at work we started chatting about relationships. From that I’ve concluded I have an abandonment issue. It causes me to surround myself completely by a twenty foot high brick wall impossible to scale or bulldoze. Speaking of the wall literally is automatic grounds for failure.

While on this little diet of mine I’ve lost nearly ten pounds, so that’s about ten pounds in two weeks. Now I’m switching over to the half starving myself and no carbs diet. I realize that I only have one more week to fit into this dress at least so I can sit down in it, and I’ve been eating very little or nothing all day and then having a TV dinner with less that 30 carbs and about 220 calories. Water has been my drink of choice 24/7 and nothing else. No wonder I’ve lost so much so quick huh? Considering I’ve been eating little of anything, I mean besides the dinner I may have one gram cracker, a piece of fruit, an apple sauce, or one glass of rasberry iced tea. All in all I’d say I’m eating about 300-400 calories in one day. Very unhealthy, yes I know, but I have to do what I have to do. I would have thought I’d be starting to get sick by now but I’m actually doing fine. Other than the crash dieting I’ve been working out so I’m going to get to where I need to be for prom. Then after prom I’ll have one day of binging and I’m back on the diet because summer is coming up.

I’m going out of town tomorrow, wish me luck. We are leaving at about 6:30 tomorrow morning. Everybody have a great Memorial day weekend and don’t drink too much or party too hard!

Yes, I know they all look like ones but I had $200 in my hand there. I have the hicups right now and they won’t go away. GAH I hate hiccups, they suck. Especially when they won’t go away. You just have to sit there while your chest does convoltions and it actually kind of hurts. I heard about a such thing as chronic hiccups too where they never go away. I’d freak if I ever got something like that. Hiccups make me just want to pound my chest like I’m Donky Kong, and scream and burp and hold my breath until I turn blue. I should stop babling now…

It’s been a fairly good weekend but I’ve completely depleated my bank account. Besides everything for prom I just bought a laptop and new speakers for the car, which sound amazing by the way. Brian was right when he told me I needed new front speakers, I just wasn’t sure how much of a difference it would make, and it makes a LOT. Right about now all I can think about is prom, the limo, my dress and my hair and prom isn’t for anther two weeks but I’m very excited.

So I started my diet on the fourteenth. Which was about a weeks ago and I’ve already lost a few pounds, yaay! I need to lose quite a few more before prom because I can hardly sit down in my dress. I want the dress to be perfect. I’ve been sticking to it too, very strict. Only water to drink and lots of exercise, ha. I feel this entry has way too much of a “happy” vibe to it when that’s not really hwo I’m feeling at all. Goodnight.

OH MY! I have Alicia Keys tickets! AAAAAHHH!! I can’t describe in words how Ah this is. I’m going to see Alicia Keys on Sunday May 29th at 9pm with Amy. Ha, wanna know the best part? I didn’t pay for them, yes I have two $130 tickets sitting in front of me. One of the guys at work keeps winning tickets off of the radio, and I got these ones. He even got tickets to Nelly, Fat Joe, and TI, and four tickets to Stevie Wonder. I am too excited I can’t wait. I would take pictures but no cameras aloud.

I’m so glad tomorrow is Friday. I just want to take a nice long nap I feel like I’ve been working too hard. Not really but today I worked non-stop, I didn’t have even a minute to get on the internet once. I was busy all day long with one thing or another and I know that tomorrow is going to be the same. On the brightside, it’s the weekend and a pay week.

Well gee golly I didn’t realize that Academic Literature was going to be so hard. The writing assignments are torture. I’ll get through it though and I’ll probably pass with an A. I need to go do my hair!

YYYEEESSS!!!!! It’s done, everything is up. It’s all in bits and pieces but it’s up. Sure there is more to add but at least I finished it! CAM backgrounds are up, I put up the dream section with some random dream I remember from last night, there was more to it but I didn’t want to add it haha. I even did the games section but I have more to add to that section too. I’m SO happy now. I even did the favorite answers to the boyfriend application, and yes I put all the ones where people were complimenting me. It took forever because I had to go and find all my old applications and re-read all 181 questions. It brought back some memories haha and I’ve learned a lot. Mainly just that a lot of answers were the same. AH that was fun though. I even added more pictures to the funnies section. Phew, glad it’s done.

Okay, I’m exhausted and I really want to go to sleep. I just don’t feel like doing that. I really want to go to Midnight Mayhem on Friday too but I’m not sure if Jenna is going to be able to go and if she doesn’t go, I don’t go. We’ll see what happens. Last night was interesting, Amy and I decided we were going to go to senior awards night, ha ha HA what a joke. It was about to start and we got up and ran out as fast as we could. We went and got Jeremiah and then went to see Cecilie.

Kid’s Quest sent me a check today for .48 cents. What was the point in that? It says I got .48 cents for mo. allocations, I don’t even know what that is! Whatever it is they don’t take taxes out ha ha. I miss it there though. I like my job now but I still miss Kid’s Quest. :: sigh :: Soo anyways how’s the new completely revamped website looking? yaay or nay? I’m bored and I need sleep. Good Night.